Going with the flow authentically is what I am working on today. I had a difficult conversation with an office person at my doctor's office yesterday that stirred up alot of old insecure feelings. It was wonderful to have the benefit of my morning pages(from Julia Cameron's Artist Way Program) and planning my yoga class with an Ahimsa (non-violence, compassion to other's and self) theme to help me shift from toxic, sludgy feelings to a moving on type of flow. Phew....I feel such a release in my breath and that is good!
Yesterday was the eleventh anniversary of my mom's passing. I really don't like to mark the passing but I do love to remember her vibrancy in life. Her ability to laugh out loud and to connect with so many types of people. I do miss seeing my mom in the here and now but I do feel a connection to her in my life when I need her most. During her decline in health I was really rocked to my core. Fear was probably my biggest emotion that I tried to mask that fear by being super knowledgeable about her treatments. I constantly keep looking for more information and pushing for better solutions. I think that was good but I also think I spent a great deal of energy trying not to feel the emotion around all the possibilities. When your parent is sick and you grow into the role of care-taker, it is a great shift. My mom was such a wonderful care-giver throughout my life that it was very hard to measure up to her. We shared a similar sense of humor and that brought up much laughter during our years together. Even when the tension of regular mother-daughter passages arouse, we could usually enjoy a good laugh together. I know that I was blessed in being my mother's daughter.
Now I am heading off to the world of Yoga. Today's class is the beginning of our fall session in which we will share the yamas and the niyamas. Today's theme is the Yama of Ahimsa or living in non violence. Its such a wonderful way a being and this practice truly helped me turn this day around.