Sunday, July 29, 2007

Time for the Pity Party to End....

Vacation does not feel so good. I have worked a bit to clear some time so we can play and guess what ....we are not playing..ugh!!!
We went to a little birthday party for Othniel yesterday afternoon. Chris did not feel well so we needed to leave after about an hour. I felt very cheated......out of a good time that I wanted to have. Chris has alot of chest congestion and generally looks pretty pale and clammy...not a pretty sight. Nevertheless, I am having a pity party about this vacation going down the toilet. It was bad enough not really having any money to do something really good but now I feel stuck just waiting for Chris to brighten up....and why is it my job to put together the fun, figure out how to pay for it and generally do all the other stuff that needs to happen. I am thinking that we need to regroup.

I do know that I have to take responsibility for my happiness....and probably looking into joining the Peace Corps was more of a reaction to my pity party than a burning desire to do something wonderful with my life..or was it? Right after college, I planned to go to St. Thomas, USVI to teach and save the world. When that plan didn't work out, I settled into a life teaching in the public schools for the next 28 years. Commitment is definitely going to be an issue on any future endeavors. I definitely don't want to feel stuck into my work. I know that I am so good at 'making things work' regardless of whether it is truly a good fit for me that I have to stay aware of that inner voice of knowing....knowing my purpose and keeping that the focus, not making something work for the sake of ...whoever or whatever.

I hope this pity party passes...I feel like I've been stuck in it for a while and I want to scream. I also notice that I haven't been writing....anything. Could that be effecting this lovely mood of the blues that I've been in for a bit?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Packing in all in

This week is the week before Chris has some vacation time. I am also taking time off from my life. I have no yoga classes and I may only squeeze one tutoring session in next week. I am trying to get all my plans finished so that I can really take time off....even mentally, especially mentally.

We haven't planned anything specific for next week and I am thinking we need to get some plans made or the week will go by and we really won't get a change from our usual, rutfilled rountines! I wish we could go away and really get a change of pace but that is not going to happen this year. I feel a list coming on with fun day activities that we could do and enjoy. Going to the beach in late afternoon, picnics, movies we want to see, concerts in the park, taking the boat from Providence to Newport and exploring...all things that will be good to plan and do. Home days for kitchen prep...maybe doing a bit more of the demolition and then some! Lots of packing away stuff. Do the fun stuff first and then demo stuff later.

Why am I packing all this in??? I need to change my thinking on the inner clock.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

What is this???

I have been reading the knitting blogs and I feel like jumping in! It been a while since I took a spin around the needles but the zen of knitting is calling to me. This brings me to a questions....should this blog have a specific focus....knitting, writing, golf, yoga, cooking, fitness????
My answer is I want a place to do all that....and more. So what is this blog and what is its purpose?
I guess I feel like there are more people like what is called mid-life and exploring life in a different way. This time is a strange combination of emotions and this is a place to sort some of what is happening out.
I feel like I have been putting my toe in the water of many different things but I am not sure if there is just one pool I want to dive into. It feels wonderful to have opportunities to do lots of different things. The challenges I face are more the mental roadblocks I put up in letting myself explore.
In some ways, all the little parts of my life are so scattered. Each part does provide a different energy. I am just not used to having this freedom of choice and the restraint I put on my choices can be upsetting. I am seeing some of the lessons that I needed to experience in my old job coming to new obstacles in my life today. Do I need to get these lessons?? The opportunities seem to happen no matter where I am so I guess that answers the big question.
Life at the oasis is sometimes not so easy!!