October 28th

I know that I have been among this missing lately and that is not good. I need to write....I need to write more. For me. I guess I will be getting lots of writing in during November. I have joined the Nanowrimo project which involves writing a 50,000 word novel or novella in 30 days. I think this will be great. I have had a few ideas bubbling around for books but that's all they have been doing for a few years. Its time to put the pedal to the metal and see what comes of it. My blogging is a good way to keep me oiled up for the pages ahead. This weekend, after the kitchen demo and clean up ( a whole other story) I need to look at some character outlines to help me really get a better idea of whose heads I will be living in for a while. The actual writing starts November 1st with my personal goal of about 2000 words a day. This will be quite the feat for me, the writer of brief and concise words. I am struggling with voice (does each main character tell the story from their point of view or is it narrated). How much do I outline beforehand...or do I let it flow and see where it goes. Let's see what this next step brings.....

Discoveries...

Discovering..... I guess I am in the slow group today thinking about Columbus and discovering America (or maybe not). Discoveries are so exciting, even the discoveries that we don't want to make. Discoveries get your heart racing and the sense of anticipation can be felt in the air. Living the life of an adventurer must be exciting because they are constantly expecting a new discovery. How many discoveries have I missed by going about my business??? Discovering the first tree to begin the beautiful buds of spring or the turn of its leaves in autuum. Discovering a new place to visit. Or more importantly, discovering new people to open our lives to....possibilities. Keeping my mind and heart open to discoveries and enjoying that process. This is a big leap from doing the major kitchen clean up and toss that I've been doing most of the weekend. I think while sifting through the items of everyday living that may bog me down, my mind was travelling to new lands. What did I discover as I tried to get the kitchen ready for Demo 101? That duct tape can hold a leaky faucet in place so the pipes do not sound like a fog horn every time the toilet is flushed or the washer begins a cycle. I do not need so much of the stuff that I have...old nail polish, cold medicine, extra pans, or 5 kinds of cleaner for the same job. I enjoy some of the utensils that my parents and grandparents used...it makes me feel connected to them while I cook in some strange way. I guess I made some discoveries of my own this weekend!

Going With The Flow

Going with the flow authentically is what I am working on today. I had a difficult conversation with an office person at my doctor's office yesterday that stirred up alot of old insecure feelings. It was wonderful to have the benefit of my morning pages(from Julia Cameron's Artist Way Program) and planning my yoga class with an Ahimsa (non-violence, compassion to other's and self) theme to help me shift from toxic, sludgy feelings to a moving on type of flow. Phew....I feel such a release in my breath and that is good!

Yesterday was the eleventh anniversary of my mom's passing. I really don't like to mark the passing but I do love to remember her vibrancy in life. Her ability to laugh out loud and to connect with so many types of people. I do miss seeing my mom in the here and now but I do feel a connection to her in my life when I need her most. During her decline in health I was really rocked to my core. Fear was probably my biggest emotion that I tried to mask that fear by being super knowledgeable about her treatments. I constantly keep looking for more information and pushing for better solutions. I think that was good but I also think I spent a great deal of energy trying not to feel the emotion around all the possibilities. When your parent is sick and you grow into the role of care-taker, it is a great shift. My mom was such a wonderful care-giver throughout my life that it was very hard to measure up to her. We shared a similar sense of humor and that brought up much laughter during our years together. Even when the tension of regular mother-daughter passages arouse, we could usually enjoy a good laugh together. I know that I was blessed in being my mother's daughter.

Now I am heading off to the world of Yoga. Today's class is the beginning of our fall session in which we will share the yamas and the niyamas. Today's theme is the Yama of Ahimsa or living in non violence. Its such a wonderful way a being and this practice truly helped me turn this day around.