Missing Out

Part of this wonderful mid-life time I feel like I miss out on some things...like fun. I had planned to go out to celebrate my dearest friend's birthday tonight. We were planning a "Girls' Night Out" and I have been looking forward to it. My friend, Anne, does so much for other people and she really enjoys her birthday and the days of celebrations that accompany this time of year. I have been struggling with a wicked headache that turned into a migrane today. I am so disappointed. I know that struggling made it worse but as I watched the clock hoping that the medicine was going to kick in and seeing how much time I 'had left', I think I actually made the headache alot bigger than it needed to be. I know that my friend understands why I can't join them tonight because she has had terrible migranes for years but I still feel such a sense of disappointment and missing out on her big event. I definitely know I will be missing out on an evening of fun.

Friendships are so important all through our lives. Celebrating milestones and happy times is as important as being there when times are tough. So, if I feel that I can join in on the celebration later, I will go with my fuzzy head and have some laughs and wish my wonderful friend a very happy Birthday!!

A Day In The Life

All of my days seems to unfold...I love that! I don't feel in the rat race, on a treadmill, or overwhelmed. I love the variety in my days when they are filled with new things I enjoy. Today we needed to bring one car in for an oil change so Pat, my sister, was my chauffeur for the day. We had a writing group meeting this morning and it was fun to go together. For me the group was a good opportunity to learn more about this whole writing thing in the real world. Barbara, our group leader is a woman of great wisdom on many levels. She has written many books and we are priviledged to share in her crafting/fine tuning her autobiography. Pat and I are like little kids waiting for the next chapter each time we meet. We had a lot of fun joking about some parts of her work but also I learned alot of information about her process. It seems as though the bottom line is that if you want to be a writer, you have to write...alot!! Barbara is a great inspiration because she is a "bottom line" type of person and I really like that. Her comments on our writing are helpful and make alot of sense.
After the writing group, Pat and I got Kaitie from school. Kaitie is a freshman in high school. Watching dismissal from this school gave us a few laughs. Listening to kids walking by and talking on their cell phones, seeing the pack move by as a whole and ducking as the teenage drivers pulled out of the parking lot in cars that were definitely too nice and expensive for a sixteen or seventeen year old to be driving was a reality bite! On the drive home, the pack that was with Kaitie kept very busy in the back seat in what I assume was texting their friends and making plans for the day ahead.
By the time I got home the car was ready. I made the filling for Spinach Pies for Chris's dinner and let the dough rest (here is where a digital photo would be nice) while we picked up the car. I stopped by the studio to set up for my yoga class tonight. It was so great to be in the space...enjoying the quiet for a few minutes. I am looking forward to tonight's class for many reasons....the people are wonderful; what we are doing tonight will feel so good and it makes a wonderful ending to a day in the life!!

On A Mission

Today I woke up and wanted to accomplish my Monday chores so that I could enjoy the beautiful spring day. Spring had a way of feeling like summer today. Well, the kind of summer day I truly love...temps in the 70's, low humidity, sunny, clear blue sky. I planned for my yoga classes and my tutoring sessions this week, did three loads of laundry and even got some cleaning in before it was time to enjoy the day. I had a two cooking adventures, one of them making a "holiday" chicken salad for Peg and me. We had a wonderful lunch outside on the deck. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the neighborhood and outside. I combined some errands with enjoyment. It is amazing how much I enjoy doing these little pit stops when I am not drained from racing from work. I left the school system almost two years ago and I have just begun to feel that I am not playing hookey when I am out and around town in the middle of the day. It is such a wonderful place to be. I have found I can give my focused attention to my life: whether its planning my tutoring sessions or learning more to bring to my yoga teaching, it is wonderful to feel like I can breathe in these roles and do a good job. My second cooking adventure of the day was dinner. I am a fan of Cooking Light magazine and the bulletin board at cookinglight.com. I made a Spicy Peanut Noodles with Shrimp for dinner. I was worried that it would be too out there for Chris and me...but it was great. The best part was that we had dinner outside on our porch...Life is good!
I began the day on a mission and now it feels like my mission was accomplished. I need to set other missions for myself...like learn to use my digital camera to post pictures here, and be able to get more familiar with this site. One mission at a time!

Just Do It

Chris and I took a class at the studio today and one of the pieces of wisdom I got from the teacher was to just do it! I had been talking about how I was torn between offering a journaling workshop or getting more time to devote to my own writing journey and I wasn't sure which way to go. She looked at me and said "just do it!"....I asked, "What?" and she powerfully responded, "Both". It got me thinking about this: one part may give the other part energy. I do tend to spend too much time in my head, thinking about DOING, rather than just doing it!! Whether it is painting a room, starting the kitchen remodel, yardwork...I expend so much thinking energy before I even start the job, I am already sick of it!! Getting to the finish line is quite the unbelievable challenge. Just do it is great advice....no wonder Nike is so big. So many of us can relate to our overthinking. It paralyzes action. It feels so good to get out of my head...its such a busy and confusing place. It is time for action on so many levels....watch out...things are going to get moving!!

Phone Deprivation

Yesterday, we realized that our phone line was dead. After a frustrating call with the cable company who provides our phone service, I decided that it may be nice to have 48 hours with no phone calls. The cable company's customer service person was just upset that I would not give her a cell phone number as a contact. She doesn't realize that my cell phone gets awful reception in my own neighborhood so if they did call me on it, I wouldn't really be able to get a audible message. It made me think of all the technology we have and all the additional stress it brings when it doesn't work they way it should. I also thought back to the differences in customer service now as compared to long ago...now I am really feel old. The reps attitude was "this is when we can get there and its your problem". It just makes me want to take my business elsewhere but hearing from friends that use the other company, I know that it's basically the same run around. I used my most authoritative voice in saying, "Monday is not acceptable" and I did get the time moved up to Sunday. That didn't seem like a such a big win to me. It just amazes me the power game that is played in society on so many levels, even a simple service call. The rep made it sound like she had to pull strings to get me on Sunday's schedule and I should be thanking her for the big favor. Makes me think if I got another operator, maybe my phone line wouldn't be looked at until Tuesday or Wednesday.
Also makes me wonder how that company is run if the customer service people need to bargain and negotiate with the tech people to do a service call. Survivor is more than a TV show and that saddens me.

Going through this day, it has been wonderfully quiet. I like the silence that the non-ringing phone brings. There were no interruptions when I did my morning writing, or cleaned up around the house. I even took a nap this afternoon and did not hear a ringing phone in the distance. Maybe I should call my customer service friend back and see if she can get my on the list for next Thursday!

Changes

Today I needed to call my old school district and have them write a letter that my health care through them will end as of June30th so that my husband's company can enroll us for July 1. Just a routine call.....but so many big shifts for me. I have always gotten my own benefits from my work. It feels so very strange to be getting benefits from Chris's work. We are so very fortunate that we can pick up my benefits from his job. I am just experiencing many emotions around this shift....another shift. On one hand I know that I have been given an opportunity to try new things and I appreciate this time. On the other hand, I definitely feel out on a limb at times, trying to figure out the next limb to jump to!! I anticipated much grief and upset over the phone call. My old system is playing a big power game with folks who need to sign on to pay their full benefits through them and I naturally felt that my request for a letter would be a big problem. Well, the biggest problem was the one in my head. Doing the action was so much simpler than all the negative thinking before I made the call. The call was fine and the request was no problem...whew!! Right before I called I tried to visualize a positive experience and a conversation that moved with mutual respect and ease. I have to say that is how the conversation progressed. Where did all that crazy thinking come from??
It is finally a beautiful day in the Northeast. I am trying to decide how to best enjoy the spring sunshine. Many things call to me and I not sure which direction to move toward to squeeze the wonderful bits of sunshine from this day. Its nice to get the chores out of the way early and then look at doing something that will bring pure enjoyment.
What does bring me joy? Connecting with the people I love in my life. Making sure I get to hear from my godchildren and friends always lifts me up. Enjoying reading good books and learning new things also adds that spark to my life. Traveling to new places and experiencing life in other cultures has added so much to my life. Cooking and knitting help ground me to myself as does my yoga practice. This week I have not taught my two yoga classes because we are on vacation and I really miss the connection with my students and my practice of yoga in the class where I get to be the student. There is so much that brings me joy.
The sun is shining, the temperature is rising, the plants are reaching toward the sun...life is good.

Memory Lane

Memory Lane.....Today a friend that I worked with in the school system and the person who bid into my job came over for lunch. Jenn, the teacher who has my old job is on a maternity leave. It was wonderful to see her and her baby, Andrew Jack. Love is beautiful. There is nothing like a baby to put everything into perspective. Looking at this beautiful baby and watching him explore his world was awesome. I really have forgotten just how cool those little people are as they do their thing and we watch in amazement of it all. I really need to figure out how to use my digital camera to post some photos.
Our discussion was partially work related and that felt very strange. There is definitely a duality....feeling connected yet disconnected. So many emotions wrapped around this position. I do feel like I am on a self- imposed oasis....a place of reflection and conscious thinking. It feels wonderful to have distance from the politics and craziness of a system but I also feel the absence of seeing people who I value on a daily basis. I guess I can't have it both ways!!
What to do on this self-imposed oasis? Time, space and place to be conscious and present. Writing is definitely on the list of activities....whether its pen to page or taping the keys, I need to let ideas flow and see where that takes me. Let the road be interesting and the lessons be gentle.

Beginnings

Starting this blog has been something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I just needed to start! I am at a transition time in my life...one career ending and new ways of being opening in my life. It does feel like an oasis at times and other times it feels very scary and uncomfortable. After working in the area of Special Education for almost thirty-five years (28 in public schools), I was able to "retire" and explore my options. It has been almost two years at this oasis and I think I am finally getting it! Right after I left the school system, I worked with my good friend, Peg and did a yoga/journaling retreat. She taught the yoga and I did the journaling piece. The retreat was a five day experience at an ocean farmhouse. It was a magical experience. Seeing how yoga supported people opening into the journal experience was powerful. In the fall, I started a Yoga Teacher Training program which was a great experience and a big Stretch in so many ways for me. I have been teaching two yoga classes and co-teaching a class facilitating "The Artist's Way". Life is good. This blog is a time to check in at the oasis. The Oasis of that calm place of inner knowing when things in the world around me are challenging.